Release

I am fascinated with the pencil these days. I find it a nice compliment to my paint work. The thin silvery line, the refinement that is possible with just value, coupled with frenzied mark making in the same piece. Layers still there, tape.. plus, I can SIT!

I’ve also revisited this pose again. I tried it both ways, eyes open, then closed. The closed eyes led me deeper into this experience. It took me places. My ancient past, my recent, my now. I began to wander some, thinking about all the things I could let go and let be, as well as what I should explore more, and keep. I’m finding this sort of fine tuning to be really important for the clarity of my work these days. I have a compelling need to tap into not only what inspires me, but making sure it’s authentic.

Technically, the variety of combinations possible is what makes all these experiments – even the emotional ones – endlessly fascinating. I love being able to sit down, and actually look at what’s happening on the page, rather than just what I want to see appear. This back and forth between what is felt, what is understood, and what is seen are all important components. But by far, the most important for me, is the unknown. The mystery of the first mark, and what it leads to.

It opens so many doors of wonder.

Oh Very Young*

“Why the kids?”

I am writing this from my hotel room in AZ, after a couple of days spent with a wonderful family who have hired me to paint their two children. I am always honored when anyone loves my work enough to pay big money for it. When it is commissioned, it takes on a new level. They are trusting me to see their kids, through MY eyes. Wow.

Today, this thought just floored me.

By the end of our time together, they hugged my waist and claimed a piece of my heart. And yes, all that goes into the work.

What I see when I’m with a child, is so much more than the innocence and purity most people expect.. I see their fierce spirit of love totally unveiled. The kind that exists for all of humanity, all of Life. The one that moves forward without guile, regardless of what obstacles may appear. These little humans are BIG BEINGS, and they know it. Problem is, most of us taller people do not see them as they are, expansive and oh so totally true to themselves. We have a tendency to make them insignificant, until further notice.

I have been drawn to them in my recent paintings, because what these children have to teach us is very profound. In spite of the bad rap many kids get for being fidgety and unruly, they are truly far from that. They are still inside. Still. They need to have light shown on them in a different way. Non- condescending, and honest. By honesty, I mean the kind that goes far beyond what they look like on the outside. It is palpable, and it goes way beyond reality as we expect it to be.

These children, all children, deserve respect.

I happen to believe that every artist, whatever the genre, has the responsibility to bring people back. To who they are. Not to remind them of how wrong the world is, or how we’ve screwed everything up. We are so much more than the mistakes we’ve made. Than the roads we haven’t taken. Than the roads we never will.

The children will lead us there. They will show us how.

Step back, and look at them.

*Title borrowed from the song written by Yusuf Islam (aka Cat Stevens).

Colors and Marks

Continuing on with the technical discussion. As an fyi, I am posting the progression of my latest painting on my facebook professional page. You can find it here: https://www.facebook.com/StankaKordicArt

So when last I wrote, the ground color often changes, and that in turn will often decide which colors I choose to harmonize with it. It’s very much like music. A wrong note can set if off in a very bad way. What is the wrong note? You’ll know it when you see it. It sticks way out and waves at you.

My latest piece is falling within the range of the earth tones. However today, I threw in some subtle purples of the cooler variety, just to see how that would work. So far so good. It takes trying it, and then living with it a bit to really know. A few decisions are instantaneous, more often, they take a lot of pondering.

Which brings me to the all important part of ‘mark making’. The inspiration for this blog actually.

For me, everyone has their own ‘mark’ much like your signature. I happen to find it important enough not to hide. I want them visible, the entire convoluted trail of my thought process. Within reason of course.  A lot of my work from the last 3 years are filled with energetic strokes and marks…it reflects the place I’m in right now in my life. I believe, this is part of the experience of connecting with your viewer. Show them who you are.

As I begin, the marks take on a certain speed. I work quickly in the beginning to cover the entire canvas. Each subsequent layer also covers the entire canvas. As these layers begin to accumulate, I slow down and take stock of what just happened. I view the painting close up, at a distance, in a mirror, upside down. Try to remove myself FROM the marks to understand their shape, their form, how they connect to my vision. It can take days. It becomes a truly meditative time. This is the gift of slowing down. Just as I sat on the ground, or worked with my models and absorbed the experience…that study of what I just did becomes the SAME kind of quiet, the same kind of honesty to FEEL what’s going on just as much as I’m SEEING what’s going on. Does that make sense? I believe we have to take it all in, very reflectively.

This quiet analysis leads to my next move. Do I adjust the color? Do I exaggerate a shape? Do I soften it, sharpen it? This is the area where the descriptive qualities of the image can change. The marks take priority over describing the form. I am more interested in making the surface of the canvas a player in the dynamic. Is it textural, is it transparent? Bold or quiet passages?

All these questions do indeed come up. But you have to be quiet long enough to want to listen. If you do, all that work invested in the foundation building and learning make it all worthwhile. You are free.

 

Palette

It looks like I’m addressing a few frequent questions I often get from people about my methods in these recent posts, so I apologize to non-artists who may find this a bit technical and boring.

Color. How do you come up with your combinations?

Well, I wish I could be more specific. This is probably all very maddening to many of you who have always been told that there are ‘rules to follow in art making!’ YES, that holds if you are a beginner, learning the ways. A solid foundation is very important.

Let me backpedal a bit and describe how I learned about color theory. In school, design class specifically, we worked with something akin to color chips in a larger more expensive version, called Color-Aid. It was a thick book with every possible color under the sun, in a matte version. Our assignments were based on using these, and they were such things as cutting out 2 small squares of the same color, and placing them on 2 different color fields. Things like that. Tons of complex ones as well. It taught me so much. How color can change depending on what’s next to it, the vibratory effect of layering, the importance of balance. Bold color vs. neutrals. Those lessons carried over into my more traditional classes, where we had to mix colors together in various combinations, and learn those lessons.

However, my most important teachings came from making a ton of mistakes. Making mud left and right, seeing what NOT to do, and most of all trying to remember those mistakes. Now that was tough. People seem to think I popped out of the womb knowing what I know.. not! There was a long slow sludgey path that was carved over the years. A LOT of frustration. And believe me, those days aren’t over, they just come a little less often. A little. In making art, being frustrated is a given. You have all heard this before, but it’s important to be ok with it. It will ultimately make you a more confident painter.

So back to my point.

Each piece takes on a different flavor for me, even if it’s one color change from the last one. Sometimes, the color ground I choose makes the difference. I don’t have a ‘set ground color’. I play with a lot of choices, just to try.. The subsequent addition of colors on top of that, will make a whole new combination appear, just that one color change!  I try to make the ground color visible- if not overtly, then subtley so, by introducing it in many of my mixing combinations. For example, if I use raw umber as a ground, that raw umber shows up in the flesh tones, or the dress, or somewhere. It ties it all in. Once I see a harmony beginning to form, I stick with those few colors, and I make sure there are just few. I am a colorist at heart, but a controlled one, I like to think.

I’m happy to expand on this conversation if you have questions. This is really just the the tip of my logic brain iceberg.  Next time, I’ll go into a bit of what happens next with marks.

For Real

I’ve been in a rather reflective mood these days, not unusual for this person known as Me. As a representational painter, the expectation is that the work is  based in reality, or, representative of something. I find that true for the most part. What I find interesting in conversation with people is how easily most define reality. “Why, what’s in front of you of course!”

I wonder.

At the risk of going off the deep end, I offer this: Can you let go of that definition, just a little bit? Even better, expand the scope?

I am often asked what I’m thinking when I paint. (whoa.. are you sure you want to know?) I find that a bit comical…no offense. I start off like most representational painters, I look at my subject matter. I start out thinking, ‘yeah, girl standing still’. What happens next? The scope gets wider. I kick a few doors down in some places, gently wait for an invitation to enter,  in others.

I have found, lately, that I am more in touch with the reality I cannot see with my eyes. I could not point it out to you if I tried, but I know it’s there. I believe, this ‘imaginative place’ (for lack of better term) is where the TRUE reality lives. It is energetic, it is calm. It can move us forward or keep us still.  It is inherent to this physical plane in front of us. It offers a place to rest, a place of comfort in this crazy mixed up world. I go there a lot. This is where my faith lives. It takes an enormous amount of trust to even step onto that path. So far, so good.

Putting a brush in my hand gives me options. I get to decide which path to follow, which stroke I need in order to make the physical more familiar. These aren’t things I learned in school, these are things I embraced by living. Some of these moments were wonderous, others, not so much. It’s amazing to me the storehouse of stuff I can reach for at any given moment. I’ve decided to be present in this reality. To try my best to trust the journey, potholes and all.

The end result of each painting is never revealed to me in advance, and certainly not in a single glance.

Why would I ever expect the same in life?

Tools to Use

In the throes again. Finished ‘Maya’, and working on a piece called ‘Lift the Veil’. Both paintings have taken on a decidedly moodier twist, perhaps. I’m not sure why, as with many of my painting decisions. I just go.

The other change I’ve integrated is playing around with a greenish underpainting. On top of that pretty flushed out form, I slowly add color with glazes and alla prima layers. This technique has given the figures a certain realism that can sometimes hit me (personally) as spooky. I’m going with that too. For now. In contrast with the nebulous backgrounds, I feel the realism gives the painting an anchor, a place to connect, then move along.

So, add that to my growing kit of tools in paint. Good panels, cheap brushes, walnut oil or oleogel medium, masking tape, metallic paint, realism, impressionism, abstraction, painting from life, painting from photos. Dreams. Making stuff up. It all works. The trick is knowing when to use what. I often tell my students to soak up as much information as possible from as many different sources as possible. You never know when something will surface to try and put to good use. Why limit yourself to just One System? Make your art life interesting. Dive in and explore. You just might come up with a treasure.

The Evolution

Finally finished ‘Visible Thread’. Here’s the summation of my thoughts for the next wave of work. Some of this is rehash, but with the new year coming, I need to regroup and understand where I’ve been, and where I’m heading.

My artistic history is heavily steeped in realist painting, but I am greatly interested in the emotional impact that marks can bring. It’s hard to let go of how I first began as an artist, but I’m trying to break the boundaries a bit without totally losing my roots.  I often look at the work of Cezanne, Diebenkorn, Cassat, among many others in a variety of genres. What I look at is how they communicate over and beyond the imagery. I try to understand their point of view by how they reveal it with paint.

As you can see from what I’ve done recently, children are becoming a focus, a single family in fact.. It has been very interesting for me to work with them in this way. I’ve come to know each individually, and as a unit. They are seamless together, strong on their own. I love that. These wee little ones, with eyes so clear, hearts so pure, fearless in their confidence.

The environment has taken on a life of it’s own. This is where I listen most intently. This is where the dialogue with me and the paint happens. Prior to that, the child is with me, and her connection to where she stands is made known before I even pick up a brush. At the easel, my hand in it becomes important. I don’t want to lose my voice in the dialogue, because it sets up a multi-level conversation not to be missed. Questions are always present, the answers too, right there along with my gut.

And so it begins… Often very logically, sometimes not at all. Sometimes I start by indicating a proper place in reality. Then I obliterate it. I don’t want the imagery  to take over what you see. Yes, the portrait is important, that will stay.  Next, what colors are making themselves known? This is what often determines the direction. A few speak clearly, the rest fall away. How deep is the environment spatially? Does space have to equal a place? I’ve become conscious of textures, and how to include a variety. I’ve become aware of speed, and where it needs to be adjusted. There’s a lot of energy visible in my paintings. It’s inherent to who I am and I give it life within the piece.  I also need the stillness to focus, and see more.

How to manage all of this will be my journey in paint for a long time, I truly hope. If my own experiences on canvas can inspire others to travel inward on their own time, their own speed, all the better. Fear is no place to live. Let’s find the subtle joy that lives within each moment, and keep that going… Happy New Year!

Stand Your Ground

So here it is, that magical time of year. As if there’s only one. I think there’s magic around all the time!  You can call me Pollyanna for short.

I, for one, call this particular magical time pretty darn flustering. Mind you, we are not elaborate Christmas people. I’m fortunate in that regard. Our kids, our families, expect very little in the way of gifts. I’m very grateful for that. However, there is a house to clean, a tree to trim, food to prepare and buy, you know, that. So what does this painter do? On my errand run, I say “oh, the studio is close by, I’ll just swing by and work a bit.”  Yeah. I’m obsessed.

I’m also fortunate to have a passion, a way to connect with people in a tangible way through my work. I never used to feel this way. When I was a kid everyone told me how talented I was. I just rolled me eyes and thought “so??” (say that like a teenager) Even before I was married, I worked, I liked it, got paid, yadda yadda. It wasn’t until familyhood- when I had 16 balls in the air  at the same time- that I truly began to realize how fun, how cool it is to paint. In the last several years, that passion to create has been incredibly ramped up. Extraordinarily so, in spite of personal obstacles that hit my life. I’m absolutely driven to speak my heart in paint. And now pencil too.

What’s more, I’ve gotten even MORE stubborn than usual. I have a vision I see my work going in, and I am hell bent on making it happen. Instead of thinking and pondering ‘Oh, what will appeal to the market?’, this little smarty pants says ‘Hells Bells, they will see it and soon their wallets will magically open’. Sure, like that. What IS that? I call it standing my ground. I can’t go around telling my fellow artists to do the same, but I do hope that in whatever way they choose to make their living in art, may it NOT compromise their integrity in any way. I truly hope they feel great about what they sign their name too. It goes out in the world the same way. It’s not an easy economy right now. But if it’s any consolation to my peers, this is not the first time the market crashed. I’ve lived through a couple at least. It’s what we sign up for when we declare “Art” as a career path. It’s part of the job description. Things will change, and I know for the better. Eventually, people will come to realize that having a well made, unique piece of art that lasts for generations- gracing their lives, their homes, is something to treasure. These are not rushed off blustery pieces made in factories. Real people are putting a lot of themselves down for the world to enjoy. It means something.

SO, what I’m working on…

This is a sneak peek of a painting I started in WY in October, but am finally rounding the corner on. I’m starting to feel the new ground I’ve been searching for. A place where the portrait, the person, is still very much intact, but the surrounding field shifts into something else. More tactile, more nebulous. A place where the harder to pin down mood takes over, rather than the descriptive imagery our minds want. As a painter, the journey is important. I want you to feel the same as the viewer. I won’t spell the story out. Make it yours.

May your holidays be filled with the wonder that exists, everywhere.

This is a detail of the painting titled, ‘Visible Thread’. coming soon…

Fluid

Time moves along rather quickly. Pretty astute observation I’d say. Don’t we all remember thinking as children that the days couldn’t move fast enough?

I’ve been so busy moving, I’ve almost forgotten I started this blog. The last few years of my life have encompassed so much change, and I have found that it is often reflected in my work. The silence, the stillness, the sometimes frenzied moments mysteriously here, then there. I’ve never been so transparent in my life. I’ve had a few gallery talks in the last year, and coupled with my film, Imagine, and my exhibition catalog, they provide  a pretty clear idea of what motivates me to work, and how it happens. I really believe that artists should share more of this inner process. It forges more of a connection with viewers, especially now, when we all feel so vulnerable.  I’ve been humbled by the heartfelt comments I’ve received about my show, The Rhythm of Stillness, currently on view at BayArts. What touches those that communicated with me is not only the work, but my honesty in willing to speak about it. We all share so many of the questions and observations I touch upon. Why stay isolated in our curiosity? I’m thrilled that stepping into a public forum has made even the smallest of difference. Thank you for allowing me to be myself.

I have been working on 2 portrait commissions that are gifts in different ways. It is more of a structured process, to create a work specifically for someone else. There are boundaries, expectations. It’s all good, but very different than what I’ve been used to of late. I welcome the opportunity to hone myself in, to concentrate on what would make someone else happy, above my own needs. It’s still my work, I still sign my name. Definitely a valuable experience to cultivate in my ever liquid world. It is the earth to my watery sky.

In addition to the above, my thoughts are moving along to the next body of work. The ideas come in glimpses, in gentle waves to my mind’s eye. I never know in advance what a piece will look like. I’m given just a hint. I do know that children are coming forward with an ever stronger voice. They have become my beacons, carrying a torch of vulnerability, along with unfathomable wisdom about what IS. I also know I will play more. With texture, with space, with mark making. Another adventure for certain. I’ll keep you posted as it comes.

The Dream

Three years ago, I had a pretty cool dream. In the dream, I was late to a workshop I was attending somewhere in Europe. Not an art workshop, but some kind of hands on healing soiree. As I breathlessly ran to the crowd of people gathered outside an old beautiful building, the young man leading the group turned to me and smiled. He was handsome, tall, and with a warm smile said, “we’ve been waiting for you”. A bit flustered, I tried to compose myself as he came over to stand directly behind me. He raised my arms at shoulder height and turned my hands down to face the ground. He placed his own arms underneath mine, touched my hands, leaned his head into mine, and up we went.. into the clouds. The grey, quickly moving clouds. We were vertical the whole time we were flying. I can remember thinking “this is not how I thought flying would be”. Nonetheless, I was stunned, really. Although I was lifted up and supported, I had a distinct sense that there would be some darkness to travel through. A kind of insecurity. What if he let go? Just dropped his arms? Would I still fly? I remembered feeling elated, nervous, and quite determined to keep flying, no matter what happened to the guy behind me. I was paying attention to the incredible landscape below, and feeling the breath of the wind as it became the sound of the man’s voice in my ear, “you can do it”.  How often have I said these words to myself over the course of 30 some years of art making?  (Trust me, a lot.) Each time I enter a competition, each time I query a gallery, or call a collector in to view a commission.

Each and every time I pick up my brush or pencil..

There is so much in there, we all feel it. It’s why we create, to pour it all out, right? An old friend who knows me well just observed of my solo show..”your insides are out”. Yep, that’s it alright. In spite of no guarantee of anything out there in this art world, what I am counting on are those four little words…”you can do it”.